God Heard My Cries
After I had escaped from my ex-husband George Y Habib in late 1983 from Abu Dhabi, I poured out all my feeling in poems. Many people who knew me said that I was very blessed to free my soul through writing.
This book dedicated to my 2 children Gabriel Georges Habib & Greta Georges Habib because after I had escaped from my ex-husband I have written all these poems.
GEORGE Y. HABIB WITH GABRIEL & GRETA
“The struggle in my life gives me the challenge and this great challenge create excitement and thus makes my life meaningful” – Sunflower Chong
I had escaped from my ex-husband George Youssef Habib from Abu Dhabi, in late1982. I did not cry or jump down from the highest building, instead, I felt free at last and finally breathing seem easy and out of a blue I took a pen and wrote till the morning and what came out were poems.
Oh! George, Poor George
Can you not see we are not fated to be?
Through the years living alone with our children,
I have changed tremendously
Oh! George, Poor Dear
I felt sorry for you
I had tried my best to make our marriage stay
But why you have not helped me?
Oh! George, Poor Love
I’m not giving an apology
I just want you to understand
There are things in life you cannot explain why?
Oh! George, Poor Lost Man
I pray constantly to God Almighty
That you find the right partner to make you happy
Please forgive me and let me free
– I need to be free to pursue my dreams & aspiration – Sunflower Chong 12 December 1983
The picture above was taken in 1983 when George came back for me and the children. One day while we were having lunch at Orchard Hotel, I told him I have written many poems. Instead of giving me encouragement he laughed at me and told me he too can write poems and he recited one for me. I kept silent all these while because deep in my heart I know this marriage cannot be saved since he will not understand my state of mind. He always told the children, “Mama got one screw loose.’’ In short, he laughed at my pursuit to save the world. I cannot blame him because I kept growing mentally in every sense of the word. Sadly to admit we have grown apart due to my aspiration to chase my dream.
From the bottom of my heart, my children’s father was a very good man but unfortunately, he married the wrong woman because I wanted to save the world and he wanted to have 5 children. In short, I was not ready to be the wife he expected me to because after marriage I still wanted to follow my dream. I married him with the hope I will be normal like everyone else but sadly to say the dream kept coming back stronger than before and I don’t seem to be able to let it go. I am not a happy woman because I need to find out what God purpose for me in this world. Hence I need to take control of my life and I escaped with our 2 children and I know he was devastated. I’m one heartless woman but on the other hand, I cannot allow him to bite me to death just because I refused to have sex.
The breakup of the marriage was during 1982 the SABRA-SHATILA MASSACRE when Israel genocide the Muslim Lebanese. While Dr. Ang Swee Chai a Singaporean was in Beirut saving lives I was with my ex-Lebanese husband and our 2 children in Abu Dhabi. My ex-was so happy when evil Sharon killed his Muslim brothers and sisters and especially the Palestinians but I was in so much pain When I looked at him I saw a stranger because he was full of hatred for his own people. In my mind, I just cannot comprehend how this can happen to one race and they were killing one another because of religions?
My ex-husband is a Maronite Christian and he believed only the Maronite Christians are qualified to rule all over Lebanon, hence they are the rightful ruler of Lebanon. He believed Ariel Sharon will be the savior for his country but I told him once the bloody Zionists step into his country they will not leave until they destroyed the whole country! What I saw was how the west had destroyed 3rd world countries with the pretext they are coming to be our savior!! I told him I am brought up in Singapore to embrace all humanity and he said that it will be the same in Singapore that only the Chinese will rule and not the minority but I told him NO that will not happen in Singapore. I assured him that was not the case because in Singapore is a meritocracy nation!
Well, you can say whatever about my fuck up life, fortunately as I move along with this ‘so-called progressed’ world, I have never failed to hear the gentle voice of the wind whispering softly in my ears; hence as I walk the journey of my life, I always reminded myself to remember to take time to notice the beauty of the flowers at my feet and as I looked up towards the blue skies felt the golden ray of hope shining brightly on my face – like God is smiling at me and with me, isn’t this lovely? I am indeed a blessed soul because I never left my spiritual partner behind, thus I have not lost the appreciation of the little wonders of life that nature and spirituality have to offer.
The Capitalist world has not eroded ‘My Consciousness’ because I managed to stay alive by having God’s presence close to ‘My Soul’. As far as I can remember I have been looking for God. As a young child, I always asked, “Where are you Almighty God, which is your true house?” If I have not embarked on my lifelong journey in search for ‘the voice’ that I had heard in my dreams, I might not have found ALLAH.